Life like a movie.

It s 30 of March, 2012. I m writing often, because there s lot of things happening. I feel like it s similar to the time when I got to Australia first time around 16 months ago. I got here and had nothing in my pocket. But I  believed everything can only get better. I thought Australia is like a land of paradise. Economy runs well, wages are good  regardless where you work. Of course for ozzies it wouldn t be like that. But for me, coming from eastern European country, it was pretty much like that. Wherever I worked, I was getting payed more than 3 times at least that I could earn at home. More than that. 4-5 times even and that all working just as a labourer, then how much could I earn having a position somewhere?
  But when I got to Australia, I didn t know exactly where I was gonna work. My come to Australia was pretty messy. I only stayed around 10 days at home, in Estonia and before that I spent 5 months in a country of Hungary. That is in the middle of Europe. By economy and culturally..well, by economy it would be eastern european country, by culturally..it s just different. All the countries in Europe are so different, by language, by history and also by economy. I just talked about Europe today with my school mate Armand from Indonesia.
He made me laugh saying: "I thought Europe was a country".
"I asked where are you from, and he said I m from Germany. Wait-wait! Germany! In Europe? So Europe is not a country?" he laughed explaining how he met somebody from Germany times ago and was excited about that. He told me about Indonesia. I didn t know that they have such an history behind. Dutchs colonised that huge country for 300 years. Wow. I just didn t know that. I don t even remember if we learnt that in geography class. We learnt a lot, but maybe I just can t remember. At school I didn t pay attention much maybe..
Anyways, where was I..Hungary. Yes. It situates in the middle of Europe and hungarians would be pretty offended if you call them eastern europeans. I don t know why. What s bad to be eastern European? All bad people, corrupted? I don t think so. There are lot of good people around. They were used to be bigger country, some parts from Austria, some from Croatia, some from Romania and others around them got some land from them after second World war. Maybe that s why they just would like to be something more than just what they are now. So this is where I was for 5 months and after that I only visited my home country for couple of days, around 10 days and then I came to Australia.
  I m jumping from one topic to another and it reminds me my literature class, my teacher who told me to not have too many thoughts in your composition. It s just too complicated and doesn t make sense for whole story. But that s my story, even that is very brief. I m just trying to write down where was I 2 years ago, how did I start my journey to Australia and where am I now.

I only remember that I didn t know what exactly was gonna happen when I just got to Australia, but I remember that I had this good faith just like Bob Marley sings: "Everything s gonna be alright". And it went well, I got job very quickly. Everything just worked out smoothly, though I didn t organise that. Funny is that I actually owned money to my friend, who payed me the ticket to Australia and I had to pay it back, which I did in few months. The amount was around 1500 AUD
 Now I m basically in the same situation. I own around 1400 AUD to the school, but now I have some difficulties. I don t have passport, I only have kind of paper that is called Certificate of Return which allows me to get back to Europe. But I can t work now, unless I wanna quit University of the Nations and get a job and quickly work out my visa papers. But can I actually renew my visa with that cetificate? Hmm. I doupt in that. I wrote to Immigration but haven t got any response from them yet. Next week I m just gonna call or visit them personally, that s probably the best and most important step that I need to do quickly.

It s 31 March now. We had meeting at this morning with my school leader and with one another leader from the base. Basically the situation is pretty dramatic. It s three of us, me, Armand from Indonesia and Melissa from Havaii, who still haven t got payed all the fees that needed to be in by..yesterday. And we were given a "mercy" to sort thing out by Monday. The rest of the team went to do recording of the songs that we wrote during last 3 months. All together we wrote 5 songs that would be on CD. That s cool. I didn t have any professional recording experience before.

Pictures that we took yesterday from the studio. 

That was the school. On the meeting this morning we were told that if we can t figure out how to pay our school fees, then we have to leave the base. My question is only where? I put my money to school, believing that this was my next step after DTS( Discipleship Training School that I also did here in Perth, which started 9 months ago and finished 3 months ago).
"Hey guys get back to the vision what you had before you joined the school. Stay on your vision. Don t loose it. Don t give up. Remember why you wanted to join the school", said Armand enthusiastically to us after meeting. He s right. Why did I join with that school? I have my former staff at backyard doing something with my housemate. I told her the situation.
"I am leaving in 4 weeks", she said. "I thought I should stay in YWAM base, but I feel like God is giving me more and more this feeling that I should go home, set up my own studio there and maybe go to Europe later on this year", said Samarah from North Queensland, Australia.
I felt little bit encouraged. So it s ok to leave the base. And somebody else also said that there are seasons in your life, it was Karen Lafferty, speaker in our school for one week. So what is my season now? What was my vision before? I go back in time to Hungary. I remember I had this vision. Just writing songs and giving messages through that. During the school I have written at least 3 songs, 1 on guitar, and at least 2 on piano, but I haven t been very active contributing to the group in the songwriting.
"Even if you don t have money, it doesn t mean that you have to give up with your vision", said Jessica from Oregon. I like that.
I m not gonna give up. Anyways, my heart is in peace. If I have to leave the country in 28 days, then let it be. If I can join with media staff, then let it be.
"There are seasons in your life". Karen Lafferty.
And I believe that the breakthrough comes, is it leaving the country or doing something else, but something new is coming to my life that is called refreshing Breakthrough.
Just like there is saying. God moves in a mysterious ways.

News, that shake anyone!

Last few days have been really touching me. Some moments made me just speechless.

As I have had this "hope" sometimes, waiting when they come and tell me:

"Viljo, we think you should leave the school.."or something like that, but nothing like that really happened.

Well, yesterday I had one on one with my school leader again and we talked about financies, again.

He reminded me that as I haven t paid most of my school fees which means that I also
can t go to London, but it also means more. It means that school has to inform immigration departure or whatever departure it is, inform them, that I m not at school anymore, and then they would cancel my visa. Fortunately my visa would be cancelled in few weeks, there would be kind of time for me to prepare getting my things together and leave the country. That would be a bit sad I was thinking. I put all my money to school and now I am facing the fact to leave the school and leave the country. The thing is, that actually I wouldn t only loose my graduation but also visa. Even that doesn t bother me much, what bothered me was that I m not sure if I could ever enter to Australia again because if I leave the school, my visa would be cancelled in few weeks, I couldn t probably get money enough to pay my ticket back to Estonia, which means that Australian government( I heard) would put me to plane and simply send me back to where I m from. I would be blacklisted to this wonderful country called Australia. Option was to get another visa, I was thinking. Well, I also don t have a proper passport, 

I lost that too. I have some kind of paper that replaces my passport and allows me to fly back to Estonia, but I m not sure if I could use it also for applying new passport here, well more like in Sydney..

Anyways, some things have happened and humbled me. 

 Some people say that I m proud person and I almost argued about that with one girl and I guess she is right.

I was trying to find excuses why am I like this. It s because of this and that. If I would be there or do that, I wouldn t be acting like this and bla bla. And besides that all it s still challenging to stay where I rather wouldn t be on my own choice. Often I guess I find excuses that I just need change, I just need to go somewhere else and do something else. Why should I be here and "suffer" that all? 

Once I posted something like this to my facebook profile and then one lady commented:

"Most things that are very good, are very difficult.." and I think she is right.

Anyways, come back to things that actually really humbled me. 

One day some of my classmates just felt that they wanna give me some things. For example Jessica, girl from Oregon gave me her camera. I was shocked. I love cameras. I just like taking picture, taking videos and all that stuff. I never even had my own camera. Often I used someone else s camera, and once happened that I used someone s camera again, I spilled it in a water. It was in North Queensland when I worked in banana farm, and it was flooding there. It was crazy, even cyclone Jasi hit that place and after that we wanted to have that all on tape. And then I spilled it in water. Water was up to my hip, over knees definitely. I couldn t even go so far. Well, we even swam in there, between banana trees, where we normally were working under hot sun, it was just flooding there then. So I bought a camera, but not for myself. That s funny. 

So Jessica gave me a camera. I was moved. I probably haven t even shower her how much it actually means to me. And then..

Armand, from Indonesia, Jakarta, comes and wants to give his videocamera. I was like what?

What are they doing. I already have one. What am I supposed to do with another one?

I felt so bad, because I didn t know how to respond, I didn t want to take it, but he said he deffinitely wants to give it to me. He said, he prayed, and He felt God wanted him to give it to me. I can t refuse things like that, it wouldn t be honourable. But that wasn t even enough.

  Few days later, one morning, I think it was Saturday. Maddie, from California, North California, they often wanna point it out, that it s not South but North, well, more like southern californians do that maybe (as far as my memory remembers- it s sometime so bad, especially with names..). Anyways, Maddie knocks on our door that morning when I was sleeping, around 9.30 I guess and she is holding her iPod.

I knew what was coming and I didn t like it at all. Like what? Another gift. I felt so bad. 

I m questioning why she wants to give it to me and the answer is similar to my other classmates.

"I was praying for that few days and I m pretty sure that I want to give it to you". 

I said it s getting really hard for me. What am I supposed to do with that I said. I don t even know how to use it. 

"Does it phone too? Like can I do calls with that" or something like that I ask. She laughs and says no, it s iPod. Only music. 

"There s 125 GB also and 8000 songs on it", she adds. 

"If you really feel that you don t want it or you don t need it, then just borrow it

for a while and you can give it back to me later if you want", she smiles in a lovely way.

I m like wow..

2 cameras, little bit of money and then iPod. 

 I was really thinking that goes back to her, I don t need that. Just day or 2 later I was just thinking that, maybe, if some miracle happen and I can go to London, then I can actually use that iPod as a harddrive.

To put all the pictures and videos that I m gonna take with my new Lumix camera.

 Today I m finishing lunch and my school leader wants to chat with me again. Today we also have this so called commissioning night. It s when we kind of dedicate everyone who has their  fees, for school and for outreach, that is trip to London or wherever they go, some might go to some asian countries and do their mission there. 

Anyways, today was kind of due to get all money in and buy the tickets. Sabo, my school leader reminds me that again and kind of prepares me that I should be aware where am I at, should I maybe get some work in a city if I m leaving the school as I mentioned before in the beginning. 

 However, in the end of the conversation he says:

"I want to encourage you. We have a budget for the school that is put aside, and we wanted to support you with 2000 dollars so that you wouldn t have so much dept for the school in case you have to leave the school. I wasn t expecting that.

 I was just shocked. Like really? I couldn t even say much. 

"I would be rejoicing now if I was you" or something like that he said. But I was just speechless. Again.

So many times this week. 

I have to finish now, need to run to dinner. See how the commissioning night goes, and what comes after, I will write soon..

Preparing for London..

My trip to London, am I even going this time?

Wow, it s been again months since I wrote anything on this site. Last time I probably wrote when I just got back from Hong Kong, back to Perth and I m still here. I ve been here since November, 2011 and today is 17 March, 2012 and I am still part of YWAM, that is Youth with a Mission, organisation that is all about missions. I have been with them since July 2011, that makes it 9 months by now and sometimes  I ask myself: How long more I will be with them? I don t know the answer yet, but I think I might stay with them for a while. Why? That s what I m trying to explain and maybe also figure out to myself and to you, who you are on the other side of the screen that what are the reasons I should stay on with them or why I should not..

 It s my 10 th week out of 12 week  lecture phase and it s been practical. We have learnt how to perform, how to be on the stage, how to write songs and how to play in the group, but I think the challenge for me was, how to write songs in a group of people that are from all over the world, mostly from States, but also from Indonesia, Australia, Africa and I am the only one in this group who represents Europe, more specifically I would say Estonia cannot represent all Europe, but anyways..

The school is not just about music. It s about missions. It s School of Music in Mission. of University of Nations. Let s put it that way: We learn how to reach people through music, with music.
Most of the songs what we hear on the radiostations contain a lot of immorality, violence, hopeless and stuff that promotes it in people s lives.
Our vision is different. To write songs, that connect people, but also bring them hope in their lives.

But it s not that easy, that just gather in a group and only write songs and go.
 Few days ago I had this one on one with my school leader and he asked about my financies. I told him what I had to say. No changes in financies. He asked me if I know why. He pointed that it s because I probably haven t done enough, like haven t contacted people and stuff.
I told him that I don t even know if I wanna be part of that stuff anymore and that s probably one of these reasons also why I haven t contacted people, haven t done updates and stuff. He comes back to question:
"Do you see the benefits from the school you take with you if you leave the school?"
"There are some", I think to myself, but don t say anything.
He encourages me to stay on and think through all these things and conversation ends as he had to go somewhere. I have tried to avoid these conversations, because I don t have much to say about financies.

I know I haven t done much also, I mean, I can t go to work, because it s not just school, it s more like organisation that sends students also out with their songs, but without financies, it s not really possible. So I m part of school, having some workduties after classes for the organisation, do some homework and that s how my days go.
How do I get my school fees payed?
They ask me often what have I done for it. They encourage me to pray for it. To pray for my financies? It sounds a bit unreal, and I don t know exactly how it works, but last time when we went to Cambodia and Hong Kong, it happened, somebody donated to my name 3060 dollars. That was just like what? I was motivated to stay on, but now haven t seen anything coming in and I feel like haven t done much to get my  financies in. I actually know some people, who might have some "spare" money, but I don t really feel very confident to ask money for my school fees. It s just not what I want to do. How should I explain? What should I write?
"I m part of that school and would you like to support me to get over all these fees and stuff..", it s just a bit
embarracing. My school leader would respond to that with question:
"Does it have to be comfortable always?"
And I think why not. I mean what would people think back in my country about me? They would say:
"He s in Australia. It s one of those countries in the world where normal labourer would get payed more than
any specific worker in other countries, why should we support him?"
In Australia we can easily get 20 dollars per hour, without knowing much.
How can I ask any support from my country?
In Europe there is lack of opportunities to work. Even if you are lucky and you find job, the salary per
hour would still be somewhere between 5-10 Euros and in eastern Europe somewhere between 3-6 maybe. I don t surprise if somewhere they get even less, like only 2 Euros or only 1.
2 euros per hour, when In Australia you can get 20 euros? My brother worked in Sydney on construction site for 23 dollars per hour and on Saturdays he got double, 46 dollars per hour, which in Euro would be
somewhere around 30 at least, 35 maybe. I m not in course how is the course between AUD and EUR,but
30 euros per hour is deffinitely fine in any place in the world, whether you live in Sydney, in London or in Tokyo, this should be enough to not worry about financies unless you are greedy person, never is enough for you.
So yes, I can t really bother people back in my country, they would rather ask help from me and I would like to help them if I had enough or some spare, but yes, not really vice versa.

But whatever happens, will happen. I keep telling this to my leaders, they don t seem to like this very much, they would even say that I have wrong attitude. They try to encourage me to not have any backup plans and to be honest I don t even have any. If I can t get financies in 2 weeks, well, in 2 weeks we want to be flying already to London, but if I can t get these financies done, then I have to do something else.
I have always had that little desire to do something for society, for environment around me, sometimes more, sometimes less, but it s been there. To change something in the world, give some good input or bring some good news. It s been there and it would probably remain there.
 I remember when I lived in Hungary, worked there for some charity purposes in a voluntary sector, I found piano in the house that we worked at, it was a bit out of tune, but it was still piano. I wrote one song I remember, I almost fell in love with one british girl, nut I didn t tell it her, because I knew she was leaving like in few days, but I wanted to express myself somehow and I wrote that song. Actually there was more like a story. I lost her USB stick, I was responsible to make a video for them, video from the trip they did in Budapest, but I lost her USB stick, it was like 18 GB and I think lot s of footages was on that stick. I was partying there one night, and then it happened I went home without that USB stick. So embarracing, finally they basically kicked me out of their program. I felt so bad, I felt that I really made a mistake and then I wanted to express myself somehow and result of that I wrote that miserable song.
I know it s pathetic but as I already mentioned that then I would also give a link to it.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OFq8I08scH0

Anyways, back to the topic. London. Am I going this time?
Only God knows.I trust God, totally. If He wants me to go, then I m obviously going. Who can stop God? I don t think anyone can, we can turn back to Him, but we can t stop Him.
Oh, one of our goup members made a little video about us. That s the link to it.
http://vimeo.com/38273312

And one more thing,
If anyone feels that wants to support our trip to London, then you can go to the following address.

http://www.ywamperth.org.au/007/payonline.asp

Just choose for student payments and to the final step you can also type just Somm or School of Music In Missions.

End of that blog this time again.

17. March 2012.

Perth, Australia

Viljo